Curse or Inheritance?

I won the gene pool lottery in my family. It’s true. I got all of my parents’ good traits and only some of their bad–WAY better than ALL of their bad traits and only some of their good. We all inherit good things and bad from our families, but it’s so much more complex than that.  

I’ve been thinking a lot about family curses. The things we pass on generation to generation–often without even realizing it. Maybe it’s addiction or temperament, depression or mental illness. There’s the genetic piece and then the socialization piece. In our case, it’s so part of how we function that I hardly noticed….until I got married.  

All of a sudden, we bring someone in the mix who doesn’t “know the rules.” They don’t know all the subtle cues that family breeds into us and we don’t realize it enough to even forewarn our partner. They might not know enough to read the “tea leaves” to predict what happens, but over time they sure notice the patterns that we can’t even see because they have fresh “eyes”.  

Things we can’t even see. Seeing. How blessed I am to have a spouse who can see and keeps me grounded. He has my best interest at heart and loves my family too, but he can see what I can’t.  I collect friends who are truth tellers. They help me see. They keep me looking at the right things the right way. Seeing is so important. How we define what we see and know dictates so much of our experience.

I read an article that was talking about how depressed people miss opportunities because they just don’t see them. It got me thinking about the stories we tell ourselves and whether how we define something robs us or gifts us. We have a choice about how we see. I realize that the things that are the most difficult for me have been both my greatest curse and my greatest blessing. Both are true.  

What do I carry as a burden or a curse? It might be true, don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about toxic positivity, but is there some way that there is something of value for me in that burden? Would I carry it differently if I could change how I see it?

I often wreck a painting. I make a mark I don’t like or I use a color that’s too warm or too cold, or leave an edge that’s too harsh and I get stuck.  I don’t know my next move. All I can see is the part I can’t stand. My typical pattern is I go work on something else until I get brave enough to try something else. I’m always tempted to gesso it all back to clean white and start again. I can’t not see what I hate!  

Or sometimes I bring another artist in to look at my problem. It never fails, they see it differently. They talk me off the ledge and give me the confidence to make a move. But then something happens. Because I already think the painting is wrecked, I feel freer to try something else because it “can’t get any worse” and then sometimes magic happens. Time and time again, the painting that I think is the “worst” turns out to be a favorite.

I want to be freer, to see better. I want to find all the ways to turn what looks like a curse into a blessing. What can I learn….what can I learn?