TOP 12 Ways to Prevent Serious Regret
I’ve been working on wrapping up the paintings for my upcoming book that’s coming out in October. My graphic designer and I are working through the manuscript layout now. I’ve been away from it for a long time. Scrolling through, I flashed on a very specific moment in the ICU with my late husband, Dan. It was the moment I had a revelation of just how bad our situation might actually be.
I was afraid. It was a primal fear like I had never experienced before. It was so life and death serious that I didn’t have room to make a mistake. Something slipping by me could haunt me the rest of my life.
Regret scared me. Regret seems heavy and hard and torturous as you can’t go back and fix it. You have to learn to live with it. I didn’t want to live with it. I can understand how regret can drive people to abuse alcohol or drugs. Even in my emergency state, it was worth putting some attention toward how I might avoid regret. I remember I pulled some scrap paper out of the trash and started writing notes to myself. My poor little brain was working so hard to protect me. Here’s what I came up with at 3 am in the ICU. It’s still some of my best advice.
Shed denial immediately. I couldn’t prepare for what was ahead if I didn’t face it directly.
Be present. I sure didn’t want fear to rob me any further or cause me to miss anything. I also wanted to find any joy or peace I could between emergencies.
Do the hard things. There were so many hard things. Take it one step at a time and do the next right thing.
Avoid drama. I couldn’t afford to spend what little energy I had this way.
Pare down your priorities. I got clear on what was important and ruthlessly eliminated everything else. I made life very simple. Work, care, feed, and sleep. I had to survive.
Take ownership of your story. I had to find a way to communicate appropriately what was happening without giving up our privacy. I made it very clear what I allowed others to share on our behalf.
Don’t let others hijack the situation. It’s too easy to let others take over and make decisions or assert what they think is best. It was my job to make sure I didn’t let that happen, no matter how well-intentioned.
Protect your boundaries. I got to decide what we were comfortable with and what we were not. Again, others might be well-intentioned, but I had to protect our family resources, time, and energy.
Limit decision-making under pressure when possible. I found that some in the medical community used fear and our circumstances to try and bully us into doing what they wanted or what was easiest for them. I had to really discern what was a real emergency and what was manipulation.
Protect your energy. Oh dear God, this. I had to protect my energy in every way I could. I had to stop talking to some people. I had to stop trying with other people. It didn’t matter how close we were or if we were related. I had to quit so many things altogether. There’s never enough to go around.
Protect your relationships. Nothing is more important than our relationships. That’s what this life is entirely about! I told our people how much we loved them and we let them love us.
Prevent legal issues. I was scared that those who may not like our choices or who might escalate because of their need for control may cause us legal hassle. I did the best I could to keep things calm and de-escalated the situation every chance I had.
I was doing this out of a desperate need in the hospital in the middle of a tragic series of emergencies, but it turns out, this applies to life outside of trauma too. We get lured into thinking we have time. Comfort robs us of our dreams. We think we can avoid doing hard things, but all of that leads to serious regret.
I’m focused on cultivating healthy, balanced relationships where I can bring joy and receive it in return. Hence, I’m ruthless in protecting my time and creative energy and refuse to spend it with people with no regard. This life is far too short and I deeply know it. I don’t want to forget that lesson. No regrets here. I’m still afraid of it.
