Protecting Creative Energy
How do you protect your creative energy? My husband, Edwin, noticed that he can ask me how I’m doing and I might even say I’m fine–I’m not even yet aware that I’m not fine. But he knows that when I’m not making art, I’m not really fine no matter what I say. That was a revelation to me. Art is the first thing to go and when it goes, I’m not really fine.
This is something I’ve been studying for the last couple of years. I’ve suffered long skips in my art practice where I’ve failed over and over to protect my energy. I have been very slow to awaken to this revelation, but I’m getting a lot better at it.
Gaining skills to deal with what is happening around me helps me keep that chaos from getting inside me. I have to protect what is going on inside of me or I don’t make art. I know it is solely my job and I can hold no one else responsible. I must protect myself from distraction, busy-ness, and over-choring. But also from the unnecessary drama and stress in various relationships.
I think of it as noise. The noise can be from internal factors or external factors. Either way, it’s noise that robs me and robs my art practice.
The first step to combat the noise was developing the ability to even notice this elusive issue. I thought it was just that I was “busy” or had other priorities or I just didn’t feel like creating. I couldn’t connect my lull in practice to a loss of energy. I thought I just wasn’t in the “mood.” I wasn’t remotely aware how my emotional reaction to what was happening in my life would instantly cripple my art practice.
I’m not talking about normal cyclical lulls in the creative process necessary for growth. I’m talking about full-on stops for reasons that don’t serve me. After those few observational comments by Edwin I started to pay more attention to identifying the pattern. I noticed I was most susceptible when my resources were stretched thin. This could be for any number of reasons, a lack of sleep, being over-committed, a difficult interaction in a relationship, or really any stressful situation.
When my late husband died, grief took a tremendous amount of my reserves. My endurance now is far less than what I was used to before. I lost a lot of my resilience as well. This made it all the more important to protect myself. I had to be much more mindful as it wasn’t enough to notice after the fact. I had to try and prevent these things from affecting me this way. I needed compensatory skills to support me.
I focused on fundamentals. Better habits and routines. I had to forego- activities in some cases and sometimes create more distance in some of my relationships. I hired a therapist and started becoming far more aware of how people affected my energy.
Getting outside is so restorative for me. Small daily moments observing the lake or the clouds, birds, deer, or even the branching patterns of the trees bring me so much joy. It is easy for me to find awe this way. I crave it. Sometimes I will even get up early to catch a sunrise or stay out late to watch a meteor shower or chase the northern lights. Mostly, it’s just me noticing as I’m on my way to something else, picking up groceries or heading to dinner.
My therapist noticed how much I filter the world through my experiences with nature, specifically through water. How my mind quiets the moment I get into the water. The peace I find at the beach any time of day, any time of year. My therapist suggested that I find the “lake” inside of me and start to use that to protect my energy. That has been a powerful metaphor for me, and even more so after a native friend of mine reminded me that every cell in my body is full of that water I see every day. That Lake is me. I am that Lake. Real wisdom right there.
I’m the only one who can control what I let affect me. I can feel the progress. My paintings are proof. I can see the evidence all around me that I am getting better. My creative energy is far safer in me now than ever before. I’m falling in love with following where it leads me. I’m so glad you’re on this journey with me. It wouldn’t be the same without you.
