Love Expands
I cultivate deep, intimate relationships. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok. I just sort them out early. It’s not that everything has to be heavy all the time, but relationships are the only thing that matters on this earth. I want good ones and I invest in my relationships very deliberately. This kind of love isn’t always perfect and easy. This kind is messy and tear-stained, and hard sometimes. This kind of love brings loads of laughter and fun, but also sometimes costs our comfort. It’s a real investment over time.
I learned this from my late husband. He was shockingly protective of his time—like he knew his was limited. He only spent time with high-value relationships. Death was the true test of our values and our values were affirmed by our friends after he died. Honestly, it was such a privilege to witness the swell of love they expressed. It truly carried me. The pastor told me that in his 35+ years of ministry, he’d never seen anything like it. Profound acts of kindness. It was beautiful to witness.
I’ll spend years trying to capture that feeling in paint. The bittersweet love and honor and grief and gratitude all tangled together. I didn’t know all those feelings could live so closely together. I always want to remember that.
I had no plans to ever remarry—I thought it impossible as I had been so happy in my marriage. Much to my shock, I woke up to the real possibility of love with Edwin, a love that warranted marriage. And now, years later, the love of our friends evolved and enveloped me and Edwin, even in this new life of mine.
And that’s the thing. Love just keeps expanding. You can’t ever lose it. Not really. It grows and deepens and evolves to create such beauty. We may ache for what we had, but we also ache in gratitude for what we have now. This life is a blessing, friends. Sharing it is a profound blessing.
