Looking Back – A Year of Firsts

The first year after someone dies is commonly called a year of firsts. It means the first year without. First holidays without...first birthday without...first everything without. It felt heavy and hard. But I rejected the idea of the year of firsts in that context and instead embraced that first year as one to practice feeling brave.  

I practiced being brave and y’all loved me out of my old life and into my new one. You carried me. You carried me in prayers and with your love and affection. You watched and hovered. You encouraged and invited me. You held my hand all the way.  

The darkness of grief created more depth in me, more capacity. It allowed me to experience deeper sorrow but also deeper joy. I experienced deeper awe and more solitude. It broke me open.  It stretched me. It made more room in me.  

My now husband, Ed, said that all of the energy it took to keep my business afloat, to run my household, to keep my late husband alive…that after I rested and was well loved and without worries–that energy would turn into something. And this is it!  

This year has absolutely been a year of firsts. The year I decided to consistently share with you–my words, my art, my plans, my book. The first year I consistently wrote a newsletter. The first year I had a solo art show. The first year I had a website for my art. The year my book came out.  

You encouraged me. You inquired after me. You followed on socials. You celebrated wins with me.  You bought my art and my book. You came out to my show. You have been with me the WHOLE TIME.

Y’all keep loving me into even more of myself and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m going to do my best to pass that love along to those behind me. We’re going to keep walking this path together and I can’t wait to see where this love and art take us. Thanks for coming along. I couldn’t do it without you.